I know it is risky to date someone in a small school but I am willing to take that risk. My parents told me I’m not aloud to date anyone that goes to my school because it is too small, but I really like this guy and I am willing to take a chance in dating him. I feel my parents made that rule because they do not like the guy that I like. There was issues between me and this guy before but we both have matured a lot and I am willing try–try things again now that we are more mature and I mean a lot more mature . I am not planning on following the rule my parents have made, because they are trying to “protect” me. I am ready for anything to happen at this point. I am ready to be left “heartbroken” I don’t have my hopes up I just want to see if I really truly do like this guy. my parents don’t see that. They don’t get to decide who I date I know I am supposed to follow what they say but this isn’t their choice to make. Of course they should keep me from dating a psychopath or serial killer but that isn’t what the case is. The thing is they are stuck in the past. This guy has left me before but I believe he has change and deserves a second chance. He has shown to me that he has changed but anyone I talk to for advise they all say the same and that is not what I need to hear. My parents are overreacting. I have gotten over the past and now its their turn. So I guess what I am asking is how to I get my parents to get off my back. I have matured and so far with these types of situations all they have done is made things worse. So what do I do? I have also been deciding between two guy I care about them both so much but I don’t want to make the wrong choice and so far I don’t think I have but I’m not sure I just want to do what God would have me do. I have been praying and praying asking him to guild me show me what to do but I feel as if he doesn’t care and is just not listening to me because nothing has changed I haven’t gotten any new advise to tell me who or what or maybe I’m just blind. But another thing is that I overthink this a lot and I have to know every detail to know what to do next and right now there is no one helping me. everyone’s advise is biased but I know yours wont be because you don’t even know who is typing this so that is why I come to you for help, well and also to see what God would have me do. And I’m sorry if this is confusing.
The following thoughts come to mind as I read this concern:
- Regardless of your age, if you are still living at home under your parents care, or being supported by them and are not truly independent, you have a command of God to honor them as your parents. Not because they are always correct; not because they gave life to you, but because God has placed them in authority over you for your good and protection. To go against them is to defy God’s authority.
- You stated that you are not hearing what you “need” to hear. I am struck that perhaps you are not hearing what you want to hear. obviously, I don’t know the people involved– not you, not the guys, not your parents and not your friends. But you did state that everyone you speak to about this say you shouldn’t be with this guy. If you asked for their opinion and they know you and the guys and the situation and they are advising against it, there might just be something to their suggestion.
- Maturity is never stagnant. You say you have matured and so has the guy in question. I don’t doubt that, but I do assure you that you are not yet done with the maturing process. (I’m 58 and would say I’m still becoming who God would have me to be and that includes maturing.) You may find that with the passage of a bit more time, not only might your perspective on these guys change, but possibly also that of your parents.
- God absolutely cares. He cares enough that you have parents to are paying attention to those with whom who you are associating. Frequently, I speak with young people who share with me that they wish their parents cared enough to say no, or to give them advice, or even just to know and care what is happening in their lives. The frustration you are experiencing with your parents is proof of not only their love but that of God.
- God also knows who is best for you and your future. He will make sure that you are with that person if you wait on Him. Trust God has a plan and don’t rush things. If either of the guys you mentioned above are to be a permanent part of your life, God will make that happen in due time.
What to do?
- Do not ignore your parents, lie to them or sneak behind their back. It will not serve you well and will be the source of future issues in your relationship with two of the most important people in you life now and in the future. Parents remain important and a good relationship with them is helpful.
- I’d suggest just putting both of these guys on “hold”. If they truly care about you or love you they will still be there. You don’t have to be “dating” for the sake of dating. There is an author, Joshua Harris, who wrote “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. He suggests that our time of “singleness” is a time when God uses us, shapes us and blesses us in ways that cannot happen when we are focused on another human being. Perhaps right now is meant to be a time of “singleness” for your own growth.
- Don’t give up on prayer. I’m not suggesting that you look for a “sky writing” type of response from God. But, often God answers our concerns and questions by opening doors we weren’t even aware were possible. Take a breath and trust God know what is best for you and will guide you–perhaps even through this blog. May God bless you.